Monday, March 07, 2005

3/7/2005
Nashville is a city of Starbucks, cell phones, and senseless drivers. Somehow I remembered there being less traffic and more parking spaces; less noise and more quiet. You forget a lot in two years, I suppose.

I was disappointed today when I couldn’t find anyone who could, or even wanted to, hang out. So, I drove downtown (and was reintroduced to the IDIOT drivers in Nashville) and just walked around. And each step made me feel less and less like I belonged. There are still friendships here that I cherish. I miss the fellowship I had here. I miss the shopping.

But maybe I’m just a small-town girl at heart, destined to always be the one who visits the city. Right now everything in my life is upside down—like when you get knocked over by a wave in the ocean, and when you reach for the sky you grab a hand full of sand.

When I left here two years ago, all I dreamt about was moving back. I kept recalling the verse about God giving us the desires of our hearts.

But today, as I walked down the street, the only person without a cell ph one or iPod pressed in my ear, I remembered the beginning of the verse: “Delight yourself in the Lord…”

And I feel like the more I seek to delight myself in God, the more he is delicately adjusting my desires to His—His perfect will that is infinitely better than mine.

I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t terrifying, though. But who ever said God’s will was safe? Much the opposite, I’m learning.

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