Monday, December 18, 2006

Craptacular

I need to come up with a new word for my mood. It's a little ugh, a little blah, a little yucky. Blughy? Yagh? How about craptacular?

I just can't figure it out. It's Christmas, for goodness sake. I have my tree up. I've wrapped the presents. I have a counter full of Chrismtas cards. The Christmas music has been cranking for a month. But I just feel...craptacular.

I wish I could blame it on horomones, but I can't. I wish I could blame it on an event. But nothing's happened. In the past few days I've had several friends and acquaintances ask "What's wrong?" and I just want to scream "I DON'T KNOW!" And that's definitely the thing that frustrates me the most. Because when something's wrong I can be proactive. When something's wrong I can make steps toward fixing it. But when it's just this feeling, this blanket of blah, I just don't know what to do.

I've tried. I've tried reading books that normally inspire me, but they feel empty. I've tried to go to social activities, but I end up sitting with my arms crossed, not able to find the energy to be "on." Television bores me. Everything is flat.

It's funny how exhausting ugh can be.

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