Wednesday, June 13, 2007

If I were a college president...

Here goes, my first blog inspired by you, my loyal reader(s).
(I'm skipping the comment about the Cardinals, since I obviously just blogged about them.)

Perhaps the rigors of presidential searches for college or university presidents?
(Just a note...I'm not going to try to think about what was meant by the comments...I'm just going to blog about the first thing that pops in my mind as I read them...which is a dangerous thing to do, I assure you.)

So, I wonder what I would do if I were a college president? As someone who worked at a college for three years (and attended one for four), I feel like I'm an expert on higher education. But of course, I use the term "expert" very loosely.

My experience with college presidents is one of their primary goals is raising money. Since I don't think I'd be very good at that, I think my first order of business would just to rob a bank and get it over with. Or maybe I can pay some of the students at my fictional college to rob a bank. College students will do anything for a pepperoni pizza and a $10 bill.

My second task would be to add some really cool classes. First, would be the obligatory underwater basket-weaving. Then, I would offer some classes that people will use in real life. Bill Paying 101. Fighting Your Slowing Metabolism 200. Cooking a Gourmet Meal with a Box of Macaroni Cheese and a Loaf of Stale Bread 300. You get the idea.

Finally, I would have to launch a building campaign. Because you're just a failure of a college president if you don't have a building campaign. My building would be a multi-level student center. The first floor would have a indoor roller derby ring. Second floor, would have virtual reality study pods. You would pop in a disc, and whatever you were studying would come to life. If you were studying the Civil War, you would feel bullets wizz past your ear. If you were reading Tom Sawyer, you would feel the breeze from the Mississippi. If you were studying math...well, you could see some cool floating numbers or something. I still need to work out some kinks.

So, that's what I would do as a college president. I'd have a way cool college. That I would probably run straight into the ground in about three weeks.

Unless, I can keep bribing students to rob banks.


Blogger SandT said...


What a wonderful entry.

I was truly moved by both your desire to turn your students into criminals and your innovative curriculum ideas. Might I also suggest "Dealing with the reintroduction to your family at Christmas Break of your Freshman Year 401"? Perhaps "Realizing your major isn't worth the paper the college catalog is printed on 314"? Or, "When Financial Aid Attacks 200 (Lab)"?

And God Bless you for not thinking and/or blogging about the intent. I like collecting a paycheck!

Finally, what's the deal with the plural use of the word "reader"?


8:45 PM  
Blogger mandy said...

You are hilarious! I'd go to your college. . .except for the whole robbing banks thing. . . .I'd be really bad at that. But your student center would definitely rock my world!

6:12 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

Seriously funny stuff, Brandy. But here's my question ... what would you name it?

11:32 AM  
Blogger Brandy said...

I would name it...
Colorado Repository Acting Career King College...
aka CRACK College
I'm so clever!

12:26 PM  

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