To Whom It May Concern Part 4

Dear Germ-a-Phobe Coworker,
I love that when you hear someone coughing, you haul out your tub-o-Clorox wipes and and coat your whole cubicle with their germ-killing goodness. I fully expect to see you wearing a mask to work one day like those people in Asia who are scared of catching some kind of flu from birds. But now I have an overwhelming urge to sneeze on your desk every time I walk by.

Love,
Your Germy Friend



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Dear Car,
I don't normally write letters to my car. But you are the exception. I don't know what I've done to make you hate me so much. Maybe it was because I called you the chariot of satan when you left me stranded for the fourth time. I didn't mean it. I was only joking. So please stop mocking me by working for the mechanic and giving me the proverbial bird every time I try to start you.

Can't we just be friends?
Your Submissive Driver

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Dear Mechanic,
Look, I know you and my car are plotting against me. I don't know what you're slipping in her gas tank, but she obviously likes being with you more than she likes being with me. But please know that I will show up at your garage at 7 a.m. every morning until she works like she's supposed to. Because I'm persistent like that.

Signed,
I JUST WANT MY DARN CAR BACK

Can you see me?

I realized something this weekend.

I spent much of my childhood and adolescence trying to be invisible. I didn't want people to notice me. In elementary school, I was painfully shy. When it was my turn to read out loud, I would fly through the words--onefishtwofishredfishbluefish--desperate to just get them out, get it over with. Desperate for all eyes to be trained on someone other than me.

In middle school it became a survival instinct. Like an animal in the wild blends in with its surroundings, I too tried to blend in. Fly under the radar. Not call attention to my clumsiness. My awkwardness. My nerdiness.

And on it went. I was pretty good at it. Too good maybe. Because it was in my teen years I realized I couldn't just turn it off. It wasn't like a light switch--now you see me now you don't. I had spent my life blending in, flying under the radar. And now nobody would notice me. I camped at the same summer camp five summers in a row. Yet nobody knew me. Beyond my close ciricle of friends, people knew nothing about me. Sure, they may know my name, may recognize my face. But that's all.

I feel like I'm still fighting it. It's my natural instinct to sink back, observe, blend in. I was reminded of that at church this Sunday. I went to the late service, which I rarely do, and sat by myself, which I usually do. During the greeting time, a couple introduced themselves, asking if this was my first time. I had to tell them that I had been attending this church for a year. In the foyer after the service, I was chatting with one of the kids from my first grade Sunday school class, which I teach during the school year. Her mother stared at me blankly--How do you know my child? she asked. And I had to tell her that I had taught her daughter for nine months.

So, I don't really know what to do. Or if there's anything I even should do. I don't want to be the center of the party.

I just want you to know my name.

About Something Other Than Us

Don't you hate it when you miss out on something really cool? Well, I don't want you, my loyal reader(s) to miss out on this like I almost did.

If you look to the right, there's a sidebar, called the 40 Day Fast. Each day, someone in that list is going to blog about a cause--something they believe in. I read many of those blogs daily, and I am often moved to tears--and more importantly, moved to action--but the words of these people, most of whom I've never met.

I ask you to take a few minutes and read the daily blog, and pray about how God is moving you to think about something other than yourself.

The fast starts today! So read Kat's entry, linked to the right. And for more details about this fast, just read the "learn more" link just below the 40 Day Fast Banner.

To Whom It May Concern Part 3

Dear Mr. Mechanic,
Seriously? Do you really think that I wouldn't know if had "one of 'dem electric cars"? I know that my car is not electric. I don't care if you've never seen a battery like that before. I'm a girl, but I'm not an idiot. Now put those gosh-darn jumper cables on that "weird" battery and just jump the thing before I attach the positive to your nose and the negative to...your toe.

Sincerely,
Cranky Girl with the Broken Down Car

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Dear Cute Guy at my Apartment,
Thank you for distracting me when Mr. Mechanic was working on my car. Had it not been for you, we may have learned what happens when jumper cables are attached to a human. And you were friendly, and sympathetic, and nice to look at, to boot. You made my stressful morning just a bit better.

Your Distracted Friend in the Parking Lot

UGH!

Wednesday--When I left work, my car wouldn't start. Called roadside assistance, waited 40 minutes, some teenager jumped my car, and I drove home. Thought it was just a fluke.

Thursday--Left work. Car wouldn't start. AGAIN. Some friends jumped it this time. Drove it to the dealership. Got a mini van for a loaner. Lost cool points. See earlier posts.

Friday--Got a call, saying that my car had a bad battery. Took mini van back. Felt inexplicable sadness. Wondered if I should get something pierced or tattooed to balance it all out.

Sunday--Got in my car to meet family for a baseball game. Car wouldn't start. I thought impure thoughts. Said some things that shouldn't be repeated. Called and left a mean message for the dealership.

DID I MENTION THIS CAR IS ONLY 14 MONTHS OLD?!?

I'm so stinkin' frustrated right now.

It's a small world after all

So for some reason, my blog seems to have gone international today. I had visitors from the US, Spain, Germany, Ireland, India and Canada.

I would just like to say, hello my international friends! I'm sure you were all drawn here by my uber coolness.

Sorry to disappoint you!

As if I needed help looking uncool

I am currently driving a minivan. Well, not current as in right this second, but you know what I mean. Today my nice cute car decided it wouldn't start. So they gave me a minivan as a loaner.

Just picture it. Me, in my khakis and my sensible shoes. Tearing up the streets of Colorado in a mini van. The 3.6 cool points I had have strunk to a measly 0.01. And I only kept that hundredth of a point because said van has a DVD player.

God is having quite the laugh at my expense today. Along with the rest of the world.

Seriously? A minivan? Perfect.

If I were a college president...

Here goes, my first blog inspired by you, my loyal reader(s).
(I'm skipping the comment about the Cardinals, since I obviously just blogged about them.)

Perhaps the rigors of presidential searches for college or university presidents?
(Just a note...I'm not going to try to think about what was meant by the comments...I'm just going to blog about the first thing that pops in my mind as I read them...which is a dangerous thing to do, I assure you.)

So, I wonder what I would do if I were a college president? As someone who worked at a college for three years (and attended one for four), I feel like I'm an expert on higher education. But of course, I use the term "expert" very loosely.

My experience with college presidents is one of their primary goals is raising money. Since I don't think I'd be very good at that, I think my first order of business would just to rob a bank and get it over with. Or maybe I can pay some of the students at my fictional college to rob a bank. College students will do anything for a pepperoni pizza and a $10 bill.

My second task would be to add some really cool classes. First, would be the obligatory underwater basket-weaving. Then, I would offer some classes that people will use in real life. Bill Paying 101. Fighting Your Slowing Metabolism 200. Cooking a Gourmet Meal with a Box of Macaroni Cheese and a Loaf of Stale Bread 300. You get the idea.

Finally, I would have to launch a building campaign. Because you're just a failure of a college president if you don't have a building campaign. My building would be a multi-level student center. The first floor would have a indoor roller derby ring. Second floor, would have virtual reality study pods. You would pop in a disc, and whatever you were studying would come to life. If you were studying the Civil War, you would feel bullets wizz past your ear. If you were reading Tom Sawyer, you would feel the breeze from the Mississippi. If you were studying math...well, you could see some cool floating numbers or something. I still need to work out some kinks.

So, that's what I would do as a college president. I'd have a way cool college. That I would probably run straight into the ground in about three weeks.

Unless, I can keep bribing students to rob banks.

All I need is a lunch hour.

My friend Krissy and I solved all the problems of the world today over our lunch break.

You can thank me later.

Well I Never...

I'm formulating my thoughts to post some blogs inspired by all TWO of the readers who commented on my last blog. But until then, I thought I would post a list of things that I've never done. Because, that's how I roll :)

1-I've never learned how to drive a stick-shift. Which will really hurt me if I'm ever a contestant on The Amazing Race.

2-I've never watched Star Wars. Not one single movie. Shocking, I know.

3-I've never learned how to play a musical instrument. Never took piano lessons. Never played guitar. I did play the juice harp one day, but I don't count that.

4-I've never listened to a U2 album. I've heard random songs, but never listened to a whole album. Actually, I would venture to say I've never even touched a U2 CD. I'm so deprived.

5-I've never been skiing. I live in Colorado. I'm an abnormality.

Wow, this post is boring even me. I'm out.

Something to say...

I feel like I have so many thoughts banging around in my head, that I can't even narrow it down to a blog post. That's partially because I haven't been blogging enough, so when I do finally blog, there's just too many thoughts, and not enough time or energy.

So, my goal is to start posting AT LEAST once a week. I think I've set that goal before. But, this time I'm enlisting your help. What should I blog about? Post an idea, a question, a topic, or whatever in the comments, and I'll blog about it. Anything at all.

Good Lord, this could be scary. Or it could be like the time I worked at our college radio station in college, and I had an on-air contest to win a CD. And not one person called.

We'll see what happens!

I'm a traitor

So, last weekend I went to my first professional baseball game. I was meeting my aunt and uncle, who were in town, and the Rockies game. When we got there, I saw a lot of red shirts. And I realized we were playing the Cardinals.

OH, the dilemma! I don't really "pull" for any pro team. I usually just "cheer" (I use that term loosely) for the team closest to where I live. But what to do? Some of my closest friends are rabid Cardinals fans. But I live in Colorado. I didn't know what to do.

So I did what any non-fan would do...I just clapped when the people around me clapped. Which meant I clapped for the whole game. I clapped with the Cardinals fans to my right. I clapped with the Rockies fans seated behind me. I clapped at homeruns. I clapped at strike outs.

I felt bipolar for a good three hours.